My Broken Heart – Isn’t fixed

So i promised i would write an update after my operation was cancelled last week with all the gory details.. That was when i thought the procedure was very basic and didn’t contain much gore. It turned out to be, as most things in my life, a little more dramatic!!

So everything went ahead as planned on Monday morning. I arrived at 8am, having fasted since the night before, which was much easier this time. By 9am I was all prepped and ready for surgery. The porter arrived to wheel me to the operating theatre. Once we took the short ride around the corner he stopped outside the doors and double checked the check list of allergies etc. I have to say this was up there with the most nervous I have felt ever!!! As i said in my previous post i’d struggled with the thought of having this op and had major anxiety over it. They then left me there and said they’d be back soon to take me into the operating theatre. I can honestly say that was the longest half hour of my life!!! Waiting outside those doors was a killer.

Finally a nurse arrived and asked me to jump off the bed as they were ready for me now. I’m sorry what? you want me to walk in?????? Ok so I’m aware this is a total first world problem but walking in to an operating theatre and seeing everything right there infront of you,including your doctor being dressed in his gown and latex gloves is something for the imagination only! I really wasn’t sure my legs weren’t going to give way! They asked me to hop up on the bed while the prepped a few things. Then everyone gathered around the bed and with a whiteboard a lovely nurse went through everything. My age, height, weight, health problems etc. I felt like i was a fly on a wall at a board meeting! The whole thing was so surreal… I was then asked did i want to add anything???

uhhhhh….where’s the drugs please? knock me out!!!!


This is exactly what the room looked liked

The surgery was planned to last around 45 minutes. So when they were still at it 3.5 hours later I figured we weren’t getting any where. It took 3 surgeons and a lot time to realise they were’t going to be able to do it! Trying to find the valve that needed to be ablated was not going to happen. Its either too small or hidden well amongst the muscle. So the issue is still to be continued for now…

As you will notice I have a clear understanding of what went on during the whole procedure…that would be because i was AWAKE for the whole thing!!!!! Yes, AWAKE!!!!

“You will be sedated” eveyone said, “not have a clue” they said, “you wont remember a thing”… Ummmmm, what a load of crap that was! I pretty much watched the entire thing! It was horrid! Safe to say i haven’t missed my calling in being a nurse or doctor. I cant handle the gory stuff!

I found the whole procedure extremely painful. Although I had anesthetic in my groin, after 3 hours of prodding and poking it, it killed!!!  Today i write this led up in bed not walking to sharply as it very bruised and sore.

So once I was back on the ward the docs came to see me and inform me that I had heard right and sadly it wasnt fixed. I feel a real sense of panic at the thought of having to go through this again. I stressed to them that if i do…. I need to be fully under. No awareness at all!!!

So sadly the story hasn’t ended. I await in the post the next steps.

My broken heart Journey – to be continued….

Read part one here My broken heart 💔 – Part One<<<<<

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