My broken heart 💔 – Part One

Recently I discovered I was born with a heart condition Wolff Parkinson White Syndrome. A condition that basically causes my heart to go a little crazy! It usually does it at the most random times but can be quite distressing and usually leads me to panic.

I’m currently in hospital as I write this, typically last on the list. So sat waiting I thought I’d write!

Firstly I’m starving…. have had to fast since 7am. Normally I wouldn’t really care I hadn’t eaten yet or I’d be too busy to have even thought about it! But right now all I can think about is FOOD!!!!

Secondly I have to wear these….

Not exactly Victoria secret… but hey who am I kidding, they are only one step down from my primani  usuals haha!

The gown… how do you know which way it’s meant to go??? I put it on backwards and then had to text my mum to ask her which way it goes!

On a serious note tho since finding out about this condition I’ve discovered a whole new level of anxiety. The sheer thought of having to have a catheter Ablation has had my heart in a flutter. Those that have had this done or know of it are probably thinking stop being so dramatic! It’s supposedly meant to be very routine. Yet no matter how much I try to “chill” it’s just not gonna happen. I think anxiety can get really overlooked sometimes. I know I was once a person who would roll their eyes at the thought someone was anxious… get a grip I’d think. Awful… but honest.

When you experience it yourself you soon wanna slap your old self. It’s just plain shit! A full blown anxiety attack can make you feel like your going to die. It just consumes your whole body and you have no control. I wouldn’t wish them upon anyone.

I honestly believe I’ve struggled with the thought of this more now than I would have years ago purely down to being a mum. I’m not just considering me now I’m thinking of Lennon and Wayne too! They NEED me!! Haha.

Again I feel I am being very dramatic this isn’t open heart surgery…

The reason this piece is part one is at 5pm the doctors came for a lovely little visit yesterday to cancel!!!! There was a genuine heart emergency that came in that meant my operation wasn’t going to be able to be done today! So my sitting in a hospital bed with needles galore was all for,  well…. nothing!

The doctors were very thankful I was so understanding! In all honesty though how could I not be? yes I had wasted a whole day but someones life was at risk!! Go Save them! I could never be that person that causeS a fuss, not in that situation. At the end of the day I got a cheeky day off… sat in bed guilt free watch Judge Rinder!!

So my journey with my broken heart continues Monday morning! Part 2 will spill gory details of procedure!!!

Wish me luck

xx

4 thoughts on “My broken heart 💔 – Part One

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